小毳偶记 The Daily Jess

很久没有来更新，今年的夏天匆匆忙忙地发生了很多事，我则在签证的等待中读完了海明威的〈巴黎：一场流动的盛宴〉，临走的时候因为怕超重居然连一本中文书都没有能带走。Christina 的〈新娘日记〉始终没有读完，还有搁置在床头的〈巴黎文学地图〉。原本以为所有的准备都是为了去巴黎，但是走过才知道我更喜欢书本中的巴黎。

在这里，我找到原版的〈你好，忧愁〉，在audio book的朗读声中牙牙学语。仅有的中文书，是下载在itouch里的〈鲁迅文集〉：

〈朝花夕拾－小引〉：我常想在纷扰中寻出一些闲静来，然而委实不容易。目前是这么离奇，心里是这么芜杂，一个人做到只剩了回忆的时候，生涯大概总要算无聊了罢，但有时竟会连回忆也没有。中国的做文章有轨范，世事也仍然是螺旋。

从这里的阳台望出去是开往巴黎的火车，晚上的时候偶尔也会有听到火车的隆隆作响。时间在这里过得很慢，日落却很晚。现在是晚上七点半，从阳台上望出去，隔壁的屋顶上还有一朵白云⋯⋯

What touched me a lot was that people regarded him as a person who had broken down so many walls and realized fantastic dreams. He might experience some tough time and go through the pressure we even can't imagine. But what is more important and true is Michael used the music from his heart to offer us an unforgetable memory. May God bless him, Michael Jackson, a talented artist, the sensitive little prince, the king of pop who started to live under spot lights since five; Michael Jackson, who used his life to show us the joy and sorrow of a wonderful person. May God bless him. Because life is love and Michael proved it.

《新娘日记》P250, 1960年6月24日 “我腼腆地亲吻了米雪尔。她任凭我亲吻。我继续着，更多地是为了引起别的车上人们的注意，而不是为了快感本身。 我亲吻了米雪尔，我抚摸并咬她的脖子。她很情愿地低下脑袋，把她的后脖子露出来。我看着处在阴影中的她，晒得黝黑的皮肤，化着淡妆，十分漂亮。她也开始温柔地亲吻我，用她灵巧的嘴唇，然后，她把手伸到我的裙子底下，抚摸我的大腿，一边摸，一边跟开车的热拉尔说着话。 我重又爱上了米雪尔。” 我将近凌晨的时候回到家看了这一段，觉得细节写得很好。也许很多人很难想像我居然能够在连日加班而展览又最终告以失败的情况下回家继续读《新娘日记》，但是我想我的生活方式是这样牢不可摧，就像也许我永远都无法离开这疯狂的怪圈一样。艺术和生活仅一步之遥。

When time goes on, the relief work in Sichuan earthquake area doesn’t sound so fresh to us. But today I found something quite interesting on . As Shanghai has been assigned to help Dujiangyan City according to the one to one support scheme, some social workers are helping the survivors there to be neighborly. The team of 10 social workers led by professors from Shanghai’s East China University of Science and Technology are helping the victims to adapt to the new neighborhood. All the citizens in the community called “ Thrifty House” or “Qinjian Renjia” have been moved from villages to these temporary houses. And in the temporary shelters they have to share the limited private space with the neighbors they didn’t knew before. It’s so easy for them to get on each other’s nerves and for small conflicts to escalate. This is the first time that I heard this kind of mental relief in our media. It did show me that our government is trying to work on the reconstruction in a more professional way. But how are the other undergoing issues? Should we also try to make things happen in a more considerate way, like the Beijing Olympics? Should we help to calm down Chinese young generation’s anger towards western countries as the little world is becoming a global village? I still remember some dialogues in the movie called “ A Time to Remember”. Leslie Chang acted a big communist in it and on one of his speeches he said: “ I think Chiang Kai Shek is such a deaf guy. Because whenever he hears some critical voice the only thing he would do is to shoot the critic.” Leslie Chang didn’t do a fantastic job on acting a communist. But he tried his best to wake up his people in the movie. Are we awake now? About two weeks ago I had dinner with two friends, one is from Beijing and the other is from Hong Kong. They seemed to be so excited about rejecting Carrefour and blocking Sharon STONE. “ It’s really the time to show the whole world our power. You see, if someone says anything bad to China, all the Chinese people will attack him back immediately,” the Hong Kong girl said. So my dear friend, may I ask you what kind of image of China you want to show the world during the Beijing Olympics? A nationalism country full of angry and deaf people? I hope this is not so called harmony society.

It has been a while since the CNN abuse. And I thought the anger from Chinese people had been calmed down. But I am wrong. This morning on Jennifer Hsiung’s blog I saw the words “ go back to North America” . And yesterday a Chinese girl said, “ I’m happy that our government send all the foreigners back to their own countries” to my friend. What’s wrong with Chinese people? What’s wrong with the foreigners? God created us and he loves everyone. How can you judge people just by their nationalities? Before the Sichuan earthquake we thought the new generation of China might have no sense of their motherland. But we were wrong. They do have intensive passion for China and now their patriotism is on the way to be nationalism. Should we be happy about it? My father is not well educated. But when he heard Yang Rui on CCTV 9 said the CNN abuse was due to the opinion freedom in USA, he could understand. Why the young people couldn’t sit down for 2 minutes and think deeply about what’s really going on? Beijing Olympic is just near the corner. Are you still going to push all the foreigners away? What do you want to show to the whole world? Force?

Jennifer Hsiung is an anchor of CCTV 9. Recently when she's writing about her vacation on her blog, she got complaints saying that she's showing no love for China. I'd like to quote Jennifer's reply here. Because I can't agree more with her. "Maybe you should talk about the earthquake and stop flaunting your vacation. It just shows you have no love for China." Jennifer Hsiung 于 2008-05-28 11:27 回复内容： Hope you're not a lawyer, or plan to become one, because that argument won't get you very far in court. Forgive me for flaunting my vacation. As a writer, I write best when writing what I know, what I experience. I'd rather be reporting from Sichuan than copyediting stories at a desk. Blogging about the earthquake would be nothing but a regurgitation of what's been circulating in the newswires, what you watch every minute or read about in headline news hour after hour. It's important, that's why it's being covered heavily by all media outlets. If I posted a blog about something I read or edited, it would not come close to the real life experiences of the earthquake victims, which I cannot even begin to fathom. It's unfair to draw a direct positive correlation between me writing about my dear sister's birthday celebration in Thailand instead of writing about the quake, to me therefore having "no love" for China. It's heartbreaking that so many people have lost their lives, most being children. It's devastating that so many of the bereaved could do nothing but stand around the rubble hoping and praying that their loved ones would make it out alive. And it sucks even more that I can't donate millions of dollars to the relief effort. But this I know I can do: my best at work, even if it's polishing stories instead of reaching out to tell the stories of those in the epicenter. You're assumptions are premature and very hurtful. Perhaps I am not flaunting about the earthquake because it's just too damn painful, and everytime I think about it I just want to cry. http://blog.cctv.com/detail_1491_91515_1.shtml

All the warm hearted friends, please log on these two websites to check your donations. Ministry of Civil Affairs of the People's Republic of China http://www.mca.gov.cn/ Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau http://www.shmzj.gov.cn

Yesterday Premier Wen Jiabao flew to Mianyang again and gave a speech themed on “ Duo Nan Xing Bang” in a temporary primary school. “ Duo Nan Xing Bang” literally means more disasters will make a country flourish. Yes, we did get a lesson from the snowstorm last winter. The relief actions are more effective and the news resource is more open. President Hu Jintao urged the top priority was to save lives. Compared with the situation in Burma, China won a good reputation. Meanwhile a lot of Chinese people especially the new generation born after 1980s think it’s time for CNN to close its inurbane mouth. Because of the Si Chuan earthquake, people see the strong patriotic passion of new generation whom used to be regarded as a generation without any care for others. Now they put “ I love China” on their MSN name, wear T-shirts with the image of “ I only love China”, stopped going shopping at Carrefour and persuade more people to donate money to the victims. But does it mean we can put more hope on this generation only because of their intense patriotic sentiments? Besides passion should they do more? I didn’t put “ I love China” on my MSN name. I didn’t wear any patriotic T-shirt. I still go shopping at Carrefour. But I watch TV everyday to follow up the relief activities: how many people have been saved and how is their living situation now, how the donations have been transformed and what kind of things are bought by this money, how the government work on this issue, is there any corruption exist… I believe at this moment we need more actions than tears. We need more real journalism than dramas. We need more supervision than force of donations. Till now CCTV 9 is the only channel I have seen talking about the supervision and it’s in English. Most of the other Chinese speaking channels are showing the touching moments around the clock. Yes, it’s worthy seeing how Chinese people caring about each other. But to journalism is it enough? Last night I saw an interview between a CCTV journalist and a 68 years old Sichuan citizen. He was interrupted on his way to go back home. The journalist looked much sadder than the old guy and she insisted to check his luggage. Because the old guy couldn’t understand mandarin, the journalist asked for an interpreter to help. After checking the luggage and some common questions, the journalist said: “ Don’t waste your time any more, please go back.” But who was wasting the old guy’s time? What is the real care? As disaster happened, we need journalism to report the truth and we also need the journalism to work as supervision. My dearest journalist, TV news is not the stage for you to show what a warmhearted person you are. I’m glad to see that there are more and more news conferences hosted by the provincial government of Sichuan to report the relief works. It’s only thirty years since our opening up policy. We still have a lot to learn on disaster aid relief and how to face to the international media. I hope this is the real meaning by “ Duo Nan Xing Bang”.

4月22日 “假如我死了你会忧伤吗？ 阿兰，你爱我吗？ 阿兰，你病了吗？ 你是一个大作家吗？ 你非常爱我吗？这让你感觉如何？” （《新娘日记》1957／11／21， P19） 看到这几句话后我为阿兰和卡特琳娜画了张速写。小绵说还挺美的，把它做了手机壁纸。 “爱的不幸尝试。阿兰知道我想的是什么，而我也知道他知道这个。也许没有出路，也许某一天我们将不再做爱。” “我们的想法很忧伤，温柔中带着绝望。” “我们花了一半的时间来做爱，或者试图做爱，而另一半时间，则来谈论它。” （11／23，P23） 我在邻近的文具店买了两支水笔，现在是下午五点半，这里是车站附近的一个咖啡馆，我读Catherine Robbe-Grillet的《新娘日记》（Jeune Mariée Journal, 1957-1962），抄录一些关于爱和做爱的句子，或许对于作家来说，爱情更多的时候是一种探讨。 Catherine说在与Alain进行了关于爱的谈话后才是真正的第一次的“与之”做爱。Alain喜欢虐恋，那些关于爱情的神话，“代表了某种真正可能的事情，而不是想像力的简单支持”，这让我想起Alain最后的一部小说《反复》，其中一些性爱场面的描写，有人认为是出自于Catherine之手，现在我想是更正这些传言的时候了。 只有来自虐恋的痛苦才能让人真真切切地感到爱的力量，感到其至高无上神话般的颠覆性吗？ 4月23日 凌晨，BBK 等待，还是等待，把两个机场连接起来的东西似乎永远只能是等待。我在一个叫作Lee Café的地方坐了将近3个小时，点了一碗汤河粉和一瓶矿泉水，用掉了我身上最后的泰铢。原本想用BBC的podcast来打发时间，但却发现这样更容易犯困。于是又看《新娘日记》，不得不承认Cathrine是个生动的叙述者，而且很有一种率真的幽默。 实在太困了⋯⋯听了Jolin的歌， 特务J⋯⋯ 在Jomtien公寓附近的一个餐厅吃了简单的早饭之后，我真的需要休息了。下午，我们要去Pattaya办一些琐事。 Well, today we are quite effective. We checked our eyes and ordered new glasses, bought new contact lens. I’m always wondering why there’re hundreds of optical shops in Thailand. The Thai people are all short sighted? Or only the short sighted tourists come here for vacation? Anyway, the price is good. The second stop is hairdressing. The situation of hairdressing here is the opposite of optical shops. It’s even hard to find one. Maybe because of the short sight, people here are invisiable to their hair style? We both got hair cut after a long walking and I even got my hair straight by hair dryer. Then we had something done for our teeth. It’s the first time for me to clean and polish my teeth, now I even could do modeling for tooth paste ads, my teeth are shining! Now, we have new hair style, shining teeth, we need to show around. So we went to a travel agency to book a package tour for Burma. Tres bien!

Well, since I haven’t updated my blog for a while, it’s time to restart. I went to an opening ceremony of a photography exhibition yesterday afternoon. It was at Dong Gallery, a gallery run by my friend Sian. But I feel she prefers to be called as Xixing (her Chinese given name) since she jumped into the art business. Anyway, the theme of the artworks was about culture revolution, especially the revolutionary model operas. I’ve watched one of the operas in Beijing years ago, got quite touched and almost wanted to apply to be a Communist that night. I think we have to admit that Jiang Qin does have talents on propaganda. I’ve read my aunt’s dairy written in those days. It sounded that she did think culture revolution was a wonderful journey for all the Chinese to go through and MAO was the heroic leader. I do like MAO ( as a person, a poet) , but I always have the question how could he made all the Chinese think in the same way and only listen to him? When I look at YANG Zirong’s eyes in his portrait, this question came up again. And nowadays people still want you to think in the same way even behave in the same way as they do. These days when you log in MSN, you might be asked by your friend to put (L) China before your MSN name which could show your patriotism. Thirty years has passed and China has been developing from a so called developing country. Besides economics growth, should we expect something more? To those who never care about the domestic and international news, your patriotism is just a MSN name? What do you expect this to change? I’m doubting. Thirty years has passed. People say the young generation of China is rising. I’m still waiting and watching.

又是四月将至，我们应当忧伤抑或哀悼，哀悼什么？过往的激情、理想，以及对于这些永久的消逝的愤慨吗？上海国际文学节在三月的阳光里安然度过了，在外滩的这座酒楼里，在中国听众不及八成的坐席里过去了。而华语作家的讲座也仅限于虹影。因为Qiu Xiaolong早在去年就用英语声明了：I wonder if I write in Chinese, can I still write the same story I’m writing now.有人质问中国的当代文学是否是垃圾，我不再想去思考这个问题了，我所担心的是我们如何来告诉我们的下一代，当小学的语文教育开始于囫囵吞枣，当高中课本开始删节鲁迅的文章的时候，我们将如何告诉我们的下一代，关于华语文学的意义？ 于是，这个四月，我告别了志摩美丽而大胆的爱情之梦，再次坐下来学着去体会鲁迅笔下我们永远不敢去亲尝的那些苦闷和颓唐。比起〈纪念刘和珍君〉，〈中国无产阶级革命文学和前驱的血〉几乎是嚎叫的。“我们的同志的血，已经证明了无产阶级革命文学和革命的劳苦大众是在受一样的压迫，一样的残杀，作一样的战斗，有一样的运命，是革命的劳苦大众的文学。”我无意去宣扬什么“革命文学”，但我想革命文学的要领也在于它的行动，在于它对民众的关切和对时事的敏锐，否则这“命”是万万革不起来的。所以我们在课堂上反复背诵的鲁迅“如投枪、如匕首”般的文章段落，最后也不过是现今众网络痴人万不得以而有口无心的应试交差而已，“革命”抑或“劳苦大众”则是另外一些惹人讨厌的名词了。虽然，他们偶尔也在网络间抱怨一下猪肉的价格，不过充其量也是发泄而已。 既然郁达夫和徐志摩都是要借着“小资”之风而兴起的话，那对于鲁迅的删与不删又有多少意义呢？在这个早春之夜当我突然想起鲁迅的时候，其实并没有忘记志摩的“爱眉小扎”，因为在今天，即便是爱情，我们又有多少全心全意呢？

这些日子来，频频收到诗兄的新作，而又都是新诗，抬头看看，果然已经是春天了。无论各自的境遇如何，我们都应该珍惜这眼前的春色。毕竟是春天了⋯⋯ 现将诗兄的佳作抄录如下： 一／这样洁白的阳光／莫非回到了九月下午的课间走廊／没有心思的年代／也许手上肥皂留有的清香是曾经喜欢的姑娘／曾经身上的那件白衣裳 二／那房顶迟疑的半步／还是你我的青春／如斜在河上的圆叶／绿了桥头我／我的影子／吹起一片白头／要不是耳边的微风／你也不知这样抬起头／闻到的青春／在房顶上／在春天的暖里／投向了风 三／这平坦的／也缓行的小路／还有忽来忽走的鸟声⋯⋯我的树上／光影里落下一片黑的叶子

真的享受到了博物馆免费参观的待遇，不过似乎门口的接待员并不十分乐意，想必相应的政府资金支持还未到位。参观的人数倒是如意料中的增加了不少，大多为学生，也有顺路进来看一看的游客。我是冲着中国古代人物画精品展去的，虽然该展览的质量依然能够称得上上乘，但是却并不能算作真正意义上的“人物画展”，其中风俗画，山水画占了很大一部分，而且多为上博馆藏。不过还倒有幸见到了吴伟的一幅《词林雅集》，也不能算作妄来了。

终于去做了告解,勉强可以听懂艾神父的上海话. 最近在看以马内利修女所写的《活着,为了什么》,我向来不屑于看这般命名的畅销书,但这次却不得不承认我庆幸看了此书，得以让我在领洗不久后看到以马内利修女如何在生活中感受和侍奉天主．天生不是存在于我们的理性推断中，而是存在于人心的．感谢天主让我在这四旬期内得以遇到这本书.修女不仅以她渊博的知识来讲述天主的爱德，更对世界政治局势尤其是贫困地区的人民抱有极大的关切。她对于经济全球化的分析，对于援助贫困地区的方式的讨论，关于腐败问题的斥责，都让我想到教会在我们的社会中还没有充分发挥其应有的作用。诚然，教会不等同于政府，但是教会有能力也有义务用真理和友爱去关怀那些陷入困境和误入歧途的灵魂。那些单由政府无法解决的问题，在教会的关爱中可以得到疏导。 去爱人永远是教会应该履行的义务，就象主耶稣这样爱了我们。“基督徒”这个称号并不是代表了一小部分人的某种特权，而是一种使命，因为我们是基督徒，所以我们在生活中应该时时处处以基督耶稣为榜样，我们应该高兴看到有越来越多的人能够蒙受主的洗礼，而不是将他们拒之于教堂的大门外。 在四旬期临近尾声的时候让我们多行善工，勤读圣经，在生活中将基督的精神显现给那些还未蒙受主恩的弟兄姐妹们，愿主的平安与你们同在。

Mar 2, 10am Kerry BROWN, Duncan HEWITT, Paul FRENCH, Perspectives on China Today The speech was quite interesting, the authors really did a lot of research of China. And Mr. Ducan Hewitt's opinion is very close to me. In his book , he talked about what happened in the past 50 years in China. He thinks during culture revolution a lot of people, especially scholars and senior Party leaders were killed or put into prison. Meanwhile culture revolution also changed the ethical standards.After the opening policy established, the government felt that a lot of things need to be rebuilt, not only economics, city construction but also social issues. So that's the reason why now Chinese communist Party invented the idea of "harmony society". It means the government wants to show his people his care about them. Ducan also talked about what does Chinese people believe now. He's very open-minded. He doesn't think by research he can totally understand China or Chinese people. He just wanted to say something he got from his research during all these years. He talked about the young generation. Internet is a part of their life. They are unhappy with the government's control of internet. The young generation was growing up with Japanese cartoon, western fast food and the American Channel MTV. But the education of nationalism also has a very strong influence on the young people, like anti-Japanese. To the other Chinese people, someone is really serious. Ducan also talked about the story happened in Gallerie Lafayette. He has met a taxi driver who's very excited about it. But it doesn't mean besides nationalism Chinese people are not interested in anything. People do have their private interests especially the young generation. Kerry Brown's speech was more about history which I've already know, so I'm not very interested in his words. Paul French behaved as a host of this program. All of them are both knowledgeable and humorous. Mar 8, 3pm Fatima BHUTTO in conversation with Geoff DYER, Hope and Courage in Pakistan -Media Nowadays there are many private channels, 24 hours news channels in Pakistan because and in spite of Musharraf. Before him, there was only one channel. -Lawyer Lawyers take an important place in a society, especially in a society like Pakistan. -Blog Nowadays more and more people are writing blogs. And internet control is impossible in Pakistan. -If media and law system work well, the society will become better and better. Even though now there are still many problems in our country. No national hospital, no schools for poor gals...But you should look at the people, they do have hope. -BHUTTOs BHUTTO is just a family name to me. Maybe someone would say, oh come on...But I do think so, maybe one day I can change it. I mean I don't believe this country should depends on several fancy families. But it doesn't mean I'm trying to keep away from helping Pakistan people. I do write. -Safety I don't feel unsafe in Pakistan. But it doesn't mean that I feel totally safe like an idiot. No. Suicide bombing could happen everyday, people are wearing the concerning of it if you look at their eyes you can feel this. -Islam Islam is not a problem. The government is a problem. -China China historically has a great relation with Pakistan. Now China is helping Pakistan building roads. I mean they are really helping, not like some other countries, after one month they left. Like after the earthquake in 2005, only 2 countries stayed to help, one was Cuba the other was China. -Democracy We don't want Indian democracy, we don't want American democracy, we want Pakistan democracy.

今蒙教友指点幸得阅《新经》文言版，又及《圣咏译义》中觅得些许民歌的清新隽永，深叹译者之学贯中西。现抄录两首如下，愿与主内主外的兄弟姊妹同享。 第一首 君子与小人 长乐唯君子，为善百祥集。不偕无道行，耻与群小立。 避彼轻慢徒，不屑与同席。优游圣道中，涵泳彻朝夕。 譬如溪畔树，及时结嘉实。岁寒叶不枯，条鬯永无极。 哀哉不肖徒！与斯天渊别。悠悠逐风转，飘飘如糠屑。 天心所不容，群贤所弃绝。 我主识善人，无道终沦灭。 第三首 恃主无恐 主乎主乎！吾敌何多？群众蜂起，向我操戈。 曰：「彼无神助，其命几何？」 主作我盾，护我四周；主为我光，令我昂头。 竭声吁主，声达灵丘。 亦既寝矣，亦既寐矣。寐而又兴，主恩备矣。 虽在重围，无所畏矣。 主乎救我！俯听悲嗟。既批敌颊，又折其牙。 鲜民何恃？主德无涯。

因为春节的临近我家的饮酒之风亦将开启，我便翻来由夏晓虹编撰的《酒人酒事》妄图攀附些许文人雅兴。开篇便是周作人先生的《谈酒》，我祖上和先生是同乡，故亦懂得些许酿酒之道，而先生行文间偶然夹杂的乡音，更是让我有路遇故人之感，“老酒糯米做，吃得变nio nio”，我家小侄女三岁的时候学祖上的方言，便也是这一首。 既为酒乡的后人，家里当然是不设禁酒令的，初生小儿有个哭闹的，大人用筷子蘸些黄酒送与口中便能息事宁人，家中所谓“好酒之人”更当然不在少数。先生在文章中说自己的父亲善饮，“我不知道他可以喝多少，只记得他每晚用花生米水果等下酒，且喝且谈天，至少要花费两点钟，恐怕所喝的酒一定很不少了。”我家的大人则亦常说能用花生米下酒而喝上许多的人才是真正的饮者。至于我，虽好酒但终不能算是善饮，只是每每适可而止，所以才未曾醉过，比不得知堂先生的爽朗，“我很喜欢喝酒而不会喝，所以每逢酒宴我总是第一个醉与脸红的。” 而先生又偏爱白兰地，“觉得西洋人不很能够了解茶的趣味，至于酒则很有工夫，决不下于中国。”我则不以为然，红酒商觊觎中国市场已有许多年月，虽然红酒从酿造到品评都有诸多讲究，但是对我来说葡萄酒的酸涩始终没有黄酒的甘醇来得痛快。至于白兰地等烈酒，怎能与茅台相比，还记得儿时偷闻茅台酒的那一刻，那股醇香毕生难忘。 而且先生亦在文中说“酒的乐趣只是在饮的时候”，如我这般贪恋甘冽之味的虽不能在品酒上搏得高分，但亦有自我陶醉的勇气，自觉当不同于一般的酒徒。先生又说：“醉了，困倦了，或者应当休息一会儿，也是很安舒的，却未必能说酒的真趣是在此间。昏迷，梦魇，呓语，或是忘却现世忧患之一法门；其实这也是有限的，倒还不如把宇宙性命都投在一口美酒里的耽溺之力还要强大。”我年少时同读知堂先生和鲁迅先生的文章，如囫囵吞枣完全不得要领，况且知堂先生虽为兄长，但却有所谓“不齿”的历史，对其文章便更是草草翻阅。近年来，我每得空闲便翻出两位先生的一些名篇来细读，温故当然就有新知，于这小小的酒杯之中亦能见识到各自不同的情怀。常听说鲁迅善饮，但却不曾留下传世酒文，倒是贪酒而不善酒的周作人几次三番拿“酒”来做文章。“我喝着酒，一面也怀着‘杞天之虑’生恐强硬的礼教反动之后将引起颓废的风气，结果是借醇酒妇人以避礼教的迫害，沙宁（Sanin）时代的出现不是不可能的。但是，或者在中国什么运动都未必彻底成功，青年的反拨力也未必怎么强盛，那么杞天终于只是杞天，仍旧能够让我们喝一口非耽溺的酒也未可知。倘若如此，那时喝酒又一定另外觉得很有意思了罢？”如此说来， 鲁迅的不留酒文也并非爱酒之深以至难以言表而应该有旁的意思了吧。

After more than 1 kilometer swimming, I felt fresh. But Dexter didn’t. He confused himself and me. When I saw Lila, I was wondering whether she’s more suitable to Dexter compared with Rita. Unfortunately this thought only lasted for one second. She’ll ruin Dexter, at least ruin the Dexter I thought of. Dexter should hide the darkness side of his ego under the surface of happy life and Rita was supposed to be his sponsor. Lila will only make the darkness out and that day the person you used to like would not be Dexter anymore, he is Brian.

重读了一遍鲁迅先生的《纪念刘和珍君》，先生的深意我是近年来才逐渐体会的。传说现在的高中课文要删去这篇，这样的事已经不足为奇了。遗憾的是先生的志愿和精神至今无人能回应，而课本上的三个所谓的伟大的“某某家”不过是悲哀的虚名罢了。 我从来以为让孩童反复地参观那些烈士陵园甚至是监狱是件残酷的事，而所谓的严肃情绪更是将其从小就置于一种惊惶之中。我们是这样长大的，不知将来有多少人还要这样长大。

今天是2007年的最后一天， 如同今年的中秋节一样，CCTV9安排了双语的晚会，并邀请了东南亚诸国来参与表演，尤其是澜沧江流域。晚会的舞美布置华丽而喜庆，演出节目也以歌舞为主，于激情和绚烂之中道出了“gala”的主题。一再强调在亚洲我们曾经共同分享同一种文化，终于看到在2007年，在面对西方国家抛出的“人权”、“民主”等西方话语的时候，我们也开始了汉语言文化的全面宣传。无论如何，还是很高兴这些曾经把中文作为官方语言的国家可以再次重视汉语，而不是倒向英语学习。最后再说一句：新年快乐

12月27日 BHUTTO assassinated 相对于昨天来说，今天又犯懒了。下午小蓝给我看了“红老外”的视频，一个从未来过中国内地的老外在纽约大唱革命歌曲。并且在自己的博客里也以文革的语气来写日记，说是目的在于宣传毛泽东思想。我倒没有认为这是作秀，因为我始终相信毛泽东思想作为一种政治思想来说确实是永放光芒的。尤其是对于一个还没有经历过文革现实，没有来过中国内地的老外来说，我愿意相信他对于毛泽东的感情是真挚的。昨天是毛诞辰114周年，除了在韶山有纪念过冬之外，没有听到任何的其他庆祝，即使是新闻上也只字未提。我感到难过。 看完“红老外”的视频和博客之后，我又写了一会但是显然今天没有完成预定的目标。 晚上看新闻得知BHUTTO死了，终于在政治集会的时候被谋杀。我不太喜欢这个人，从她回国开始，我始终不相信这会有一个美满的结局。但是也许在巴基斯坦，没有那样近乎疯狂的勇敢的话是无法胜任政治领袖的。从这个意义上来说，她是勇敢的。